Published August 8, 2012
These days, in my world of parenting, I’m experiencing some serious déjà vu. See, when Trellace was about to start kindergarten (ya know, yesterday), good-hearted folk, attempting to be encouraging, offered familiar platitudes. Things like, “Oh she’s ready!” or “She’ll do great,” or “She’ll be fine! Don’t worry.” Now she’s going away to college, and those tired expressions have been roused for the occasion.
People mean well. They do. But what these helpful soothsayers don’t seem to realize is that I know all this. Really, I know better than anyone how perfect Georgetown University is for my daughter, how great she will do there, how ready she is. I am not at all worried about her.
And frankly, there is nothing—absolutely nothing—I want more than for my children to grow up. I have friends whose children never got to grow up. Growing up is a part of life, and I want my children to have full, productive, grown-up lives.
Consequently, I want to let go. I’m excited for Trellace as she enters this new stage. I am delighted that she gets to go to go to her dream college, to live in her favorite city, and to study in a rich, challenging environment. Also, I want the world to experience how great my girl is, how much she has to offer. I don’t want to hide her under a bushel when her light is so bright. I want her to shine, in DC and in the world.
It’s just . . . well . . . even though I want to let go it’s really, really hard.
See I want the change; I just can’t bear it. I want her to grow up, to leave home, to become all God intends her to be. And I can’t bear it.
I can’t bear the idea that I won’t see her for months at a time. I can’t bear being out of touch. I just can’t bear it.
It will never be the same. Sure, we will be home base, but we won’t be home. Not really. This will be the place she visits between semesters, on vacation, before she starts a new job. It will never be the same. Never.
And I’m okay with that. I am.
It’s just . . . I will miss this. I will really, really miss this.
I have no greater joy than this, to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4
Aileen Mitchell Lawrimore is a mother x 3, wife x 28 (years not men), minister, speaker, writer, retreat leader, and lover of beagles and books. She has a lot to say.
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