ash wednesday

10 Things that Show You Don't Get Lent

We didn't all grow up observing Lent. If you didn't learn to celebrate the season as a child, you may just now be learning the importance of it. So here you go: 10 things that show you are off course with this whole Lent thing.

  1. You think Ash Wednesday is kind of like "Downtown after Five," except it's on Wednesday and only once a year.
  2. You decide what to wear to Ash Wednesday service by asking yourself, “Now, what goes with ash gray?”
  3. You ask the minister if the ashes on your forehead can be reinforced with permanent marker since yours always wash off before anyone really sees them.
  4. You keep saying, “What’s the big deal about Lent? Just clean the dryer filter and shut up about it.”
  5. You hire a housekeeper for the season. (All this ashes to ashes and dust to dust stuff will bother your allergies.)
  6. Someone speaks about giving up chocolate for Lent and you, eager to be of assistance, hold out your hand and say, “Well if you’re not going to eat it . . . .”
  7. You, a teetotaler, announce that in honor of the Lenten season, you have given up all alcoholic beverages.
  8. You give up boasting for Lent and make sure everyone knows about it.
  9. You give up sweets for Lent. Except for Fridays when you always have celebratory cheesecake. And Wednesday’s because the desert at church supper is always so yummy. And Tuesdays—Book Club. And in the office (it would just be rude not to partake). And on birthdays. And naturally St. Patrick’s Day. But you’re giving up sweets for Lent. No question.
  10. You have a friend film every time you deny yourself due to Lenten sacrifice. You set the video to the song, “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve seen” and post it on YouTube.

The dearest idol I have known,
Whatever that idol be,
Help me to tear it from thy throne,
and worship only thee…

- William Cowper, “O For a Closer Walk with God”

 

About the Author Aileen Lawrimore

Aileen Mitchell Lawrimore is a mother x 3, wife x 28 (years not men), minister, speaker, writer, retreat leader, and lover of beagles and books. She has a lot to say.

Leave a Comment: